Having A Great Relationship

Looking for love? Convinced you will always be alone? Well, despair no more! The truth is that if you really want a great relationship, you really can get one, as explained here.

manifesting a relationship
Manifestation can get you a relationship.

Now, for all you doubters out there, I might as well fess up right now that we’re talking here about the law of attraction & manifestation.

If you’re not into these two processes, you might as well turn away now, because this page is clearly going to try your belief to the limit.

But the interesting thing about skepticism in this area is that almost everybody I know has had at least one experience which is clearly the universe work manifesting – “magically” – those things which we least expect.

For example, have you ever had a telephone call from a friend immediately after you’ve thought about them?

This is such a common experience that you probably have indeed had it several times in your life, though you might never have stopped to wonder what was going on.

Almost everyone who experiences this will pause for a moment to reflect on how it’s “remarkable”, but the deeper issues and meaning of such events generally escape us because we are focused on the material world – not the spiritual.

The material vs the spiritual
We are focused on the material world, not the spiritual.

When you stop to think about it, though, this is absolutely phenomenal – that there is some kind of telepathic information being transmitted through some medium between the mind of the person who is about to call you and your mind.

That’s why you know they’re about to call you – and then the telephone rings. This is “thought transference” in its clearest, simplest and most obvious form. But how does it work?

The answer is that it works in exactly the same way as manifestation through the Law of Attraction; which can manifest you a reality that might be unimaginable at the moment.

Books like The Secret made it obvious to us that there is a body of belief in the world which says that you can get whatever you want using the power of your mind.

In essence, that is manifestation – the appearance of goods, people, objects, and things such as sexual relationships between men and women on the physical plane, with the results brought about by using intention, conscious awareness, visualization, and the focus of your mind on your desired objective.

Although many people who work with the Law Of Attraction would insist that isn’t necessary to understand the mechanism by which this communication happens, we can assume that there is some kind of universal intelligence or energy or substrate through which thoughts and other intentions can be communicated.

This communication occurs between human brains, and between a single human brain and the universal intelligence. It’s also possible to assume that when this happens, thoughts are manifested in physical form through some process of reality creation under the control of the universal intelligence.

Now if this is true, and you can manifest anything you want including people, events, places and “strange coincidences“, then it follows that you can manifest a sexual relationship if you intend to do so.

The precursors of this manifestation in reality are clear intention, firm belief in the possibility of manifestation, a real desire for a relationship, a belief that the relationship is going to appear, and the ability on your part hold negative beliefs about the impossibility of manifestation at bay.

And of course it’s hard to believe in the eternal physical manifestation of things from the universal energy field – we are not by nature spiritual beings; or, rather, our main focus is the everyday material world which impacts our lives on the surface of this planet.

But if you can shift your perspective, and consider for a moment the widespread belief in a higher power commonly called “God” or the gods, and add to that the events which you have experienced in your own life, such as the telephone ringing immediately after you’ve thought of a friend, and them being on the line, then you might find it easier to believe in the possibility of thought transference, telepathy, and reality creation in the form of manifestation.

I’m not asking you to stretch your belief system beyond the bounds of credibility, but to consider the possibility that there is another dimension to our existence beyond that which our physical senses reveal to us.

And course when this becomes a real  possibility for you, your mind naturally opens to the possibility of using that extra dimension of existence to manifest reality.

As I said at the start of this piece you really can get a relationship if you want one, and the techniques aren’t that difficult – you can find out how to do it by clicking on the link at the head of this piece, or by reading any other good website or book on manifestation of love and relationships using the law of attraction.

I wouldn’t actually recommend The Secret, because I don’t think it explains the process of manifestation particularly well, but if you want to look at it it’s great as a motivational piece for increasing your enthusiasm and belief in the possibility of reality creation.

And one thing that I do want to mention before I close this piece is the fact that it’s necessary to take action – a lot of people, perhaps conditioned from birth to expect things to fall into their laps, believe that it’s possible to manifest reality by sitting around on their asses, just visualizing an outcome.

Perhaps it is, but my belief system is that it is necessary to take action, action in the world which will tell the universe that you’re serious about your intention, and allow it plenty of opportunity to manifest your desired outcome in physical form.

How To Pleasure A Woman

Make no mistake about it men, the importance of satisfying a woman in bed is immeasurable – statistics show that only 10% of women can reach orgasm during intercourse from penetration.

This must mean there are an awful lot of unsatisfied and unhappy women, who need to find a way of establishing sexual pleasure and satisfaction from lovemaking.

Unfortunately many men don’t realize that women require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. It has been demonstrated time and time again that the majority of women will not reach orgasm through vaginal penetration and thrusting alone during intercourse.

female orgasm
Most women reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation alone.

What this means in practice is that despite your best objectives in making love to your partner, and despite your best aspirations to be a good lover by improving the length of time for which you can make love, no matter how long your endurance or staying power may be, you are not likely to be able to bring your woman to orgasm during intercourse alone.

Of course there is one exception to this – that is to say, when you use additional clitoral stimulation during lovemaking, then you may find that your woman can reach orgasm whilst you are making love to her.

In other words – she comes when you are inside her, thrusting. And there is no doubt that this is hugely satisfying for both man and woman, and can add a level of excitement and pleasure to lovemaking which would otherwise be missing.

But the truth of the matter is that if you want to know how to pleasure a woman fully, then you are going to have to develop a methodology of bringing her to orgasm during intercourse, without clitoral stimulation.

Changing position alone may not make a woman orgasm
Changing position alone may not make a woman orgasm

This means making her come with vaginal thrusting alone, through penile stimulation of her G spot. Although this may sound esoteric, it is quite easy to achieve.

The first requirement is that you are able to thrust for long enough to bring her to orgasm – and what this turns out to mean in practical terms is that you need to last without ejaculating for between 10 and 15 minutes of intercourse. This is the length of intercourse which women describe as “ideal”.

In reality however, a woman will only reach orgasm in this timespan if she has been sufficiently aroused in a sensitive and caring way during foreplay.

The regrettable thing is that many men find foreplay boring and tedious.

Yet for a woman, foreplay is a way of establishing connection with a man, a way of establishing connection with her body, and a way of gradually moving into a space in which she is able to reach orgasm.

This certainly contrasts with many men’s experience of lovemaking, in which going from “no arousal” to “highly aroused” takes a matter of moments, or at the most minutes!

And the desire which follows hard on the heels of this high level of arousal is one which impels a man to penetrate, make love immediately, reach orgasm, ejaculate, and probably then forget all about intimate connection and lovemaking!

Although I say that in a jocular fashion, the truth is that this is no joke.

Indeed, in this different dynamic between men and women lies much dissatisfaction for both sexes – women complaining that men don’t understand their needs, and men complaining that women are demanding in their sexual requirements and expectations.

There’s no easy way to get round this except tolerance and understanding.

What this must mean in practical terms for you as a man is that you’re going to do your best to find a way to satisfy your woman, so she reaches the level of fulfilment and happiness in bed which you aspire to give her.

That’s another aspect of the paradox – that men really want to pleasure a woman in bed, they want to give her the greatest possible sexual pleasure.

But men are severely limited in their ability to do this by their lack of understanding of female sexuality and female expectations around sexual pleasuring.

Most women would say that the thing they want most in bed is intimacy and connection with their man, rather than outright sexual raunchiness or the constant use of, say, new sexual positions and techniques.

But for most couples, while the woman may dictate how often sex happens, it’s the man who dictates the form of sex, because his demands usually take precedence, and he usually ends sex when he has reached orgasm & ejaculated.

Men need to reframe their thinking from an orientation of sex being about their satisfaction to a genuine orientation of sex being about the woman satisfaction pleasure.

The reason for this is that when women are fully satisfied and pleasured during sex, they are highly aroused, and their orgasm induces endorphins which induce a feeling of relaxation and pleasure. And then, the benefits spill over to the relationship well beyond the bedroom.

Yet it shows, I think, how shortsighted many of us are that we don’t take account of the possibility of gaining sexual pleasure in this way.

The old paradigms of male pleasure being satisfied by a quick bout of intercourse and minimal foreplay has to give way to a new paradigm where the woman’s pleasure dictates the course of sex for the couple, and they work together cooperatively to ensure that orgasm is pleasurable, occurs during intercourse, and satisfies both the man and the woman.

After all, without this where is sex to go?

It’s no use proposing the idea that sex can continue to be something that is merely about penetration and ejaculation for the man – this is the age of female empowerment, gender equality, and hopefully mutual respect of a couple within a relationship.

To this end, therefore, it’s worthwhile having a look at the websites linked to above so you can see how sexual satisfaction pleasure may genuinely be obtained by both members of the couple.

As a final conclusion for this, it’s important to add that you shouldn’t forget about the opportunity to offer different sexual practices for pleasuring – including cunnilingus, mutual masturbation, and the simple act of sensual cuddling and pleasurable massage.

There are many routes to sexual pleasure and they definitely do not all have to involve penetration and thrusting!

It’s worth remembering this the next time you feel a surge of passion or arousal overcoming you:  you can divert that energy into something around intimacy and connection, rather than physical orgasm.

After all, the pleasure of intimacy and mutual connection can feel just as satisfying as physical sexual pleasure, if not more so!

Manifestation and Law Of Attraction

Manifestation and the law of attraction are currently subjects that are high on everybody’s agenda – because no matter what you say about what you’re doing in the world, actions speak louder than words.

What I mean by “actions speak louder than words” is this: that you can talk a good talk, but only when you walk your talk do you truly find that the universe responds to your intentions and manifests your greatest and deepest desires.

I think many people reading this will already have come across the concept manifestation on the Law of attraction in works like The Secret.

Indeed, you may already have tried to use the concept of the law of attraction to get what you want, but found it problematical, difficult – or even downright impossible.

Most people find that when they start using the law of attraction to get what they want they experience variable results: sometimes they work, and sometimes they don’t.

And of course when this happens it leads one to think that the way in which manifestation and the law of attraction are presented in so many places and by so many authors is nothing but a piece of marketing hype.

But the reality is that when the law of attraction fails it isn’t because this universal law of attraction has somehow selected you as a victim, someone for whom manifestation is not possible, nor is it your fault for not being pure and godlike enough!

Desire is a powerful motivator for manifestation
Desire is a powerful motivator for manifestation

The reality is that the words you are using are probably not the correct words to manifest something successfully. Use the right words and you will be able to direct the universe to give you whatever you desire.

On this theme, Pam Grout has written a book in which she describes how the concept of Think and Grow Rich should be replaced by the concept of Thank and Grow Rich!

What she means by this is that abundance and gratitude are intimately linked.

When you feel gratitude and happiness and joy, your success at manifestation will increase exponentially. It seems that the universe responds to an open-minded state of being in which you can appreciate what the universe is willing to offer you by releasing and letting go.

I mean, when you think about it, happiness and gratitude are underpinned by a state of being which is really all about trust.

And trust is one of the key factors in manifesting anything successfully – when you trust the universe to deliver what you want, what you find is that things flow into your life unexpectedly. This is a state in which you let go of what has been called the “cursed house” – in other words, you let go of the details of how something is going to manifest for you, and you surrendered to the will of the universe, which, when you think about it, probably knows infinitely more about the possibilities open to you than you do.

You see, happiness and gratitude aren’t only a symptom of joyous existence – they are symptomatic of a state of being in which you know that the universe is a godlike universe with infinite intelligence and it is willing – and indeed able – to supply you with whatever you desire at the drop of a hat.

Manifestation on the Law of attraction work for you just as they work for everybody, when you are in  the appropriate emotional state. If it isn’t working for you at the moment, the best thing to do is to work out the emotional context in which you’re trying to manifest reality, and perhaps to change it for something different.

Now I know this may sound esoteric and slightly problematic if you’re not very familiar with the concept manifestation and law of attraction.

In particular, that can be true if you only read the writings of those authors whose words would suggest that the man behind the words is an expert in manifestation. (The sad truth being that many people manifest wealth by writing books about how to manifest wealth!)

What I’m saying here is not really something that is couched in esoteric and mysterious terms – it’s quite simple, really.

What you need to do is summon up an attitude of gratitude and emotion of thankfulness, and to sit back, let go of your desires, and allow the universe to offer its abundant resources to you.

Your job is merely to specify the general area in which you’d like something to manifest, and then to trust the universe to co-create it with you.


Manifestation & Law of Attraction

People often ask me how it’s possible to create reality using the power of the mind.

When you think about it, this is what we do all the time. Every single thing on the planet started as an idea in someone’s mind, so to that extent, manifesting a better relationship, or greater prosperity, or indeed material goods like a new car or a new house, is no different.

Where the process differs from the conventional way of turning an idea into reality is that you bring the universe onside – in other words, you get the universe to help you, so that you are not working on manifestation of your desires alone.

A lot of people find it difficult to understand that we are actually talking here about a cooperative process – it’s something that has been described as “co-creation”, and that’s a very good way of putting it.

You see, the universe is programmed, or if you prefer the term “determined” to operate in accordance with set of universal laws, some of which are all about manifesting reality at the root quest of the human mind.

This implies that the human mind has the ability to connect with universal consciousness or energy – which some people prefer to call God – a fact which might be debatable or questionable for you, but is actually a reality.

You’ve probably experienced this in part when you’ve had the sudden and unexpected awareness of friend who then immediately calls you on the telephone. This is a simple example, but a very poignant one, of the principle at work here, which is that the human mind can contact a vast database – for want of a better way of putting it – of universal intelligence.

It’s essentially that ability to connect with something bigger than ourselves that is the controlling factor in manifestation of anything, and it’s that ability to connect with something bigger than ourselves which allows you to manifest what you want.

A lot of people would accept the idea of connection between human mind and the universal consciousness or intelligence (to remind you, what some people call God), but want to know how on earth this can be explained in rational terms.

My answer to that is that there are no rational aspects to this, it’s a fact of life, and it’s something that we either accept on trust (the act of faith that you might need to believe in God and his ability to manifest reality) or we deny.

But interestingly enough, recently quantum physics has begun to provide some clues as to how it might be possible for thought waves to impact on some energetic principle in the universe which is responsible for the appearance of material goods and objects and events in our universe.

I’m not going to go into the quantum physics of the Law of Attraction and manifestation here, because it’s far too complicated, and if you are sufficiently enlightened to believe in reality of manifestation as an act of faith, you won’t really be interested in the explanation that quantum physics can provide: you’ll be more interested in the experience of manifestation.

In essence, though the important thing to keep in mind is that the universe is ready and willing to give you what you want. Using the law of attraction to manifest reality, to co-create your life, that is to say co-create in association with the universe, isn’t difficult.

Perhaps that’s the surprising part, the part of the equation which makes it so difficult for people to believe manifestation is a reality!

You might be wondering what the requirements are for a successful manifestation. The answer is – something surprisingly simple!

First of all, as you might guess from what I’ve written above, you need to have faith – absolute faith that the universe will respond to your demands as and when you make them.

Second, you need to have conviction, firm belief, that what you’re trying to achieve is possible for you. It’s no use attempting to get something that you see somebody else, who may be more intelligent or more enlightened or more skilled than you, manifesting or  creating in their life.

This is a personal process, one which needs to be adapted to your particular level of personal development and spiritual evolution.

And then of course, in addition to all of this, you do need to take some kind of action. It is here perhaps where we meet the biggest obstacle to most people’s experience of manifestation.

They may not know what kind of action to take, or they may not have the confidence to take action that will drive them in the direction of their desired objectives.

Yet, in a sense, you don’t need to take massive action, or stretch yourself to take big steps toward your goal – you only need to make small steps that move you in the general direction in which you want to go.

It goes without saying, I think, that if you are seriously trying to do this, then your motivation has to be sufficiently intense and serious to provide the universe with a good enough reason to help you achieve what it is you’re trying to manifest or creating your life.

Perhaps the expression “a good enough reason” is the wrong way of putting it; the universe doesn’t require justification for your desires – it will manifest whatever you want, provided you apply sufficient emotional energy to the process of doing so. When those criteria are met, the universe is at your disposal, and you can have whatever you want!

Because we are all brought up in a society where there is an ethic of “you must work hard to achieve anything”, some people find it hard to believe that manifestation is real, and they give up trying as soon as the first disappointment hits them.

(Which generally means the first time they fail to manifest something they are trying to get hold of – a failure which is often caused by a lack of emotional energy or desire, and sometimes by simply not applying the techniques consistently.)

Another source of disappointment is when the universe produces something that a person hasn’t asked for, something which turns out not to suit them in the longer term.

I’ve always seen this is an aspect of spiritual evolution: that the universe can sometimes give you things which are not what you really need or desire, almost as a kind of spiritual lesson which is intended to help you understand that the best reason for manifesting anything is because it feeds your soul, that it is, in fact, your “soul purpose”.

Think of this, if you can, as a test by the universe, something designed to check if you’re really serious about overcoming the obstacles to manifesting reality in the way you would like to experience it in your life.

Manifesting What You Want Is Easy

One of the things I’ve come across repeatedly when I’ve read about manifestation and the Law of Attraction is the need for gratitude.

In general this seems to be a common theme because people believe that intense emotion is necessary to manifest anything.

Video – gratitude

The “best” emotions for manifestation, according to many commentators on the Law of Attraction, are gratitude and joy – that is to say, the feelings you might imagine you’ll feel when you’ve successfully manifested your goals.

And of course, it’s certainly true that if you’re not going to be feeling joy and excitement at the prospect of manifesting your deepest desires, then there’s probably something wrong with the goal you’ve chosen!

Video – Influence your reality

However, I’ve also come across a viewpoint which I think is equally valid, which is that any intense emotion will do – it doesn’t have to be positive, like joy and gratitude, but it can be negative, like anger or even rage.

There’s no question in my mind that the manifestation process depends on you putting out high levels of energy, and that these levels of energy can be either positive or negative.

Powerful emotion controls manifestation
Powerful emotion controls manifestation

That’s because the universe has no capacity to distinguish between positive emotion and negative emotion – in the universal space there is no such thing as good or evil, or positive or negative.

It’s not the universe’s job to make value judgements about whether we are in the right or the wrong, or to make moral judgements – indeed, it’s incapable of doing so because in the universal space, the maxim that applies to everything is this: “what is, is”.

Now I know this is hard to imagine because a lot of people believe that God is love, but the truth of the matter is that God is everything.

And if God is everything, then God must be good and evil, love and hatred, night and day, dark and light.

Nonetheless, this is not the place to engage in any kind of debate about the philosophy of the universal intelligence or the nature of God – our purpose here is solely to consider what might be necessary to manifest things successfully, and as far as that criterion is concerned, it’s evident that all we need is a lot of powerful emotion.

Having said all that, a guest post by Matt Clarkson here www.applythelawofattraction.com is worth reading. He starts by saying that we’ve all seen The Secret, we’ve all read about the Law of Attraction, and we’ve all tried to manifest what we want… And then he asks the $64,000 question: why is it so hit and miss?

And he provides some suggestions as to why this is!

First of all, Matt suggests there is an inherent danger – dramatic words indeed, so let’s read on and see if he’s right about that – which comes from working with the law of attraction: he claims it has the capacity to absolutely destroy anything you do in your attempt to manifest your desires. Here it is:

The very act of wanting something may carry “the energy of lack”.

And he makes a very valid point, of course, because when we are manifesting something, it’s generally because we perceive a lack of something in our lives – in other words, you literally feel that you don’t have something, and the emotional tone of thoughts which go with that knowledge could be deprivation, fear, shortage and lack… these being the kind of things which can really have a negative impact on the process of manifestation.

This idea depends on the philosophy that “like attracts like”.

In other words, if you’re sitting in negative energy while you’re trying to co-create reality with manifestation, then the chances of you being successful may be diminished by the fact that the Law of Attraction and manifestation, as governed by the universal intelligence, is actually responding to your dominant feeling state rather than the image of abundance you are summoning up.

And of course, if what you’re feeling is anxiety and fear and a sense of lack, that may be what the Law of Attraction will actually respond to.

This is a real problem for many people, because it’s so logical and seems fairly obviously true – therefore, the question is, what can you do to get over this problem?

And the answer seems to be to feel gratitude.

Feel gratitude and succeed!
Feel gratitude and succeed!

To make gratitude a daily practice – in other words to find things in your life (and there are many – and that is true regardless of how bad your life might appear to be right now) for which you can be grateful.

You need to spend time – perhaps as much as 20 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes in the evening –  feeling your gratitude for the things that actually are going right in the world for you ….. which might be as simple as the fact you have food to eat and you are still alive.

But here’s a question asked by many people – how can you be grateful for something that you haven’t yet manifested?

Well, the very fact that you’re trying to manifest something means your desired objective already exists – at least in consciousness.

Keep in mind there is no distinction between positive and negative in the universal intelligence, nor is there any distinction between past, present and future.

In other words, the instant you set an intention and summon up an image of some goal in your consciousness, well, it exists right now in potential form.

If that seems like a stretch for you to believe, imagine this: every single thing that exists around you first existed as an idea in somebody’s mind. And then, somehow, it manifested into a physical form on the planet Earth.

Gratitude has more to it than just the purpose of getting you into a frame of mind where you’re thinking about the existence of what you’re “programming for” (that simply means visualizing something).

Yes, it does – gratitude is a powerful factor in determining how happy you feel in the present moment.

If you doubt this, simply practice feeling gratitude for three weeks morning and evening, and see how your mood changes. It’s almost phenomenal, but it is a reality – to maintain a positive and healthy mental attitude in life, you only need to practice gratitude for all the things  in your life you can be thankful for.

(Which of course contrasts with an attitude of lack and desperation and wanting: all of which contribute to negative feelings, mostly unhappiness and fear.)

Even so, I want to make the point that gratitude isn’t the only positive and powerful force that will enable you to manifest things very quickly.

Manifesting With Desire

You can also use desire to fuel manifestation.

Of course when we talk about desire we’re not talking about just a simple “wish” that something might happen. We’re talking about a feeling of wanting something so intense and so strong that nothing could possibly come between you and its manifestation.

You see, feeling desire –  passionate desire –  means you are so set on some particular objective that you will do whatever it takes to get it.

Desire is a powerful motivator for manifestation
Desire is a powerful motivator for manifestation

And it also implies that no matter what intuition or inspirations may come to you, you will explore them – because you know that following your intuition is the route to success.

Desire –  intense desire, passionate desire –  is a powerful emotion which can help you to overcome fear.

That helps you overcome your procrastination, your fear of action, and enables you to take action in a very positive and powerful way.

Desire is emotion which may literally make the difference between manifesting something and failing to achieve anything at all.

When you practice intense desire – with or without gratitude – you’re going to discover that little things start to happen… they simply suggest you’re on the right track.

And then, as your success is reinforced, you will find things begin to change faster and faster, and as they change faster and faster, so you will believe more and more in the achievement of your objective, and as you believe more in what you’re trying to achieve, so it will manifest faster.

This is a beautiful example of positive feedback which is irresistible, and to which the Law of Attraction can only respond by giving you what you want.

So when you’re focusing on something you really want it’s going to appear much faster than it otherwise would.

Which brings us on to this question: how can you increase your desire so that it’s going to aid the process of manifestation?

The first and most obvious thing to do is to make sure you’re trying to manifest something which is really important to you.

Consider your soul purpose or mission in life. How much more important is it for you to find your true purpose on the planet while you live here than simply to acquire a brand-new car?

And while it may be really important for you to have the status symbol – or the fun and pleasure – of a new car, I suspect you, like the majority of people, will be more fulfilled and feel happier, if you are truly fulfilling your basic purpose on the planet.

And of course finding your purpose may in itself be a route to manifesting large quantities of money, but that’s not my point.

I’m just saying that when you focus on the things which are really important to you (in other words if you focus on your deepest values and beliefs), then you’re more likely to be successful in your manifestation than if you focus on material goods.

To focus on feeling good, do whatever takes you into a space of emotional positivity and enjoyment – sing, dance, make love, play with your partner or children… whatever raises your energy to a high vibrational state (in other words, an intense positive state) will help you to manifest things faster.

And when you’re in state where you can maintain high levels of positive energy all the time, you’re pretty much well on the way to manifesting your reality.

Text Your Way Back To Love After Breaking Up

In the words of the old song, “walking back to happiness, walking back to love.”

If you’ve broken up, that’s partly what you want to do. Probably you also partly want to kill your ex, but that’s another issue. Or maybe it’s not another issue, maybe it’s the real issue.

That actually, all along, you were really angry with your ex-for things they didn’t do, and perhaps even the things they did do.

Like they never listened to you, or they disrespected your opinions, or they always thought they knew best, or they never listened to what you wanted … I mean think about it — there are millions of things that could be getting in the way of you and your partner making up.

So question number one: do you really want to make up?

Was your partner your soulmate. Could your partner sorry, your ex-partner, be your soulmate?

Is there any chance that you made a terrible mistake and you should never have broken up?

If so, do you know anything about how to get back together?

And could you do that without going back into the angry, fearful, shame, guilt ridden, unaccepting, judgmental, critical place you were in before?

I mean, you were in that place, right? I assume you are in that place because if you weren’t why would you have broken up?

Something to think about there — that might be a clue as to whether you really could get back with your partner or not.

But, having said that, let’s assume that you have decided you want to get back together with your ex-partner.

Whatcha going to do to make that happen?

What can you do to overcome the grief, pain, the lack of communication, the resentments and all the other throngs that your partner invested in you?

Sorry, of course you were the one who was right all along — I forgot that for a minute!

Now: stop fooling yourself! The truth is, it takes 2 to tango, and it takes 2 to make a relationship, and it takes 2 to break it up.

So if your relationship has broken up we can reasonably assume you’re 50% to blame — even if you don’t think you are.

That means you bear 50% of the responsibility for making up — and if you want to and your partner doesn’t, then clearly you’ll have to carry 100% of the responsibility of making up.

What does that mean in practice?

1) You have to be more emotionally intelligent than you were in the first place, or it’s never going to work.

2) You have to find out some ways in which you can get back together with your partner without being threatening or abusive, guilty or needy.

3) You have to learn some techniques that will allow you to avoid the emotional difficulties that you faced in the first place, that were presumably responsible for you breaking up when you did.

And how are you going to do that?

Go to couples’ counseling with your ex-partner? That’s an interesting suggestion! Maybe you’d like to try asking your ex-boyfriend, or your ex-girlfriend, if they’d like to undertake couples’ counseling with you, just to see what they say….

And of course it’s possible they might say “yes”, in which case your problems are almost over — I mean, let’s face it, if somebody is willing to go to counseling with you, then they’re probably willing to get back together with you.

Of course that doesn’t alter the job you have to do: which is basically about finding a way to re-establish communication, about finding a way to be more emotionally intelligent with each other, and above all, to stop projecting all your negative stuff onto your partner and thinking it’s their fault.

So; not necessarily the easiest thing in the world, I know, but I guess if you need to get back together with your ex-partner badly enough, you’re going to do it.

And that’s where I might be able to help you: because Text Your Ex Back is an incredible system about texting your ex. It truly is a revolutionary system by which you can actually re-establish a relationship through using SMS text messages. I know that sounds a crazy notion, but believe it or not — it does work. You really can Text Your Ex Back. How does it work?

Basically you use a series of highly ordered and systematic text messages, each of which is designed to convey a different impression and a different message. They’re unemotional, they’re detached, they’re objective, and they really give you the opportunity to say what you want to say without provoking anger, grief, fear or anything else.

A serious analysis of the online program can be found on my very own website, which is linked to below. See if it might possibly be the thing that you want or need to a have better relationship with someone new or with your ex-partner.

The Adonis Golden Ratio

This is a wonderful program for men who are dissatisfied with their weight or body shape, as it is a superb way of losing weight fast.

We all know that dieting for men is a touchy subject — men like to think that they know best about all health and relationship issues, although they might do well to take advice from women occasionally!

In fact, one of the most predominant and successful dieting and weight loss programs for women, called the Venus Factor, has been written by John Barban, a man who’s also specialized in weight training, diet and exercise for men. (Read about the Venus Factor here: www.losingweightfasts.com )

So how many calories do you need?


Although this could hardly be considered as a way in which men can take advice from women, it’s interesting that John Barban has recognized that dieting and weight loss for men and women must be specialized to the sex in question.

It’s no use trying to use a commonplace diet program such as the Atkins diet, or any random 12 week, 10 pound weight loss diet that you can find on the Internet, for both men and women. This approach simply is not going to work, because both genders have specific requirements as far as physiology and health is concerned – I mean there is no one diet plan that suits all.

Now, our expert John Barban has recognized this, as I say, in that he has written the Venus Factor for women, and the Adonis Golden Ratio for men. These are interesting programs that recognize the differences in physiology and biology between the sexes: for example, for women, the activity of the fat burning hormone leptin is absolutely critical in attempting to slim, lose weight, or even to adopt a better body shape — which is not necessarily linked to the specific issue of losing weight as quickly as possible.

Most women, says John Barban, look at their best when they have between 20 and 30% body fat, whereas men achieve an ideal toned look at between 10 and 20% body fat.

This difference is fundamental to the approach which both men and women need to take when they are dieting or trying to adopt a better body shape.

You see, the thing is, with the leptin resistance that women commonly experience, it’s actually quite hard for a woman to lose weight even if she’s on a diet — which generally means that the diet is ineffective, and her motivation decreases, and she fails to lose weight quickly.

A much better approach is to adopt a number of approaches that can increase the sensitivity of her body to leptin, since her own natural hormone is by far the most effective medium for achieving weight loss.

In the Venus Factor, John outlines three different ways in which a woman’s body’s sensitivity to leptin can be increased, ranging from the use of nutritional supplements, to a particular exercise regime.

For men, things seem to be much more straightforward — the Adonis Golden Ratio seems to explain in simple terms an approach to dieting and weight loss which men can adopt successfully. Now having said that, to reduce body fat around 10% is perhaps just as much of a challenge ultimately as losing weight is for a woman, but men are supported in their objectives by a well tried and tested regime that John has evolved over many years.

He is an expert in sports science, nutritional supplementation, exercise physiology, and other disciplines to do with health and fitness and nutrition.

This experience has enabled him to adopt an exercise program from men which allows them to obtain the maximum rate of weight loss over a 12 week period, using carefully defined goals and objectives to ensure that the speed with which they achieve their objectives is maximized.

Critical to John’s approach in all cases, is a nutritional supplementation regime devised for the individual client, along with an exercise regime which are similarly tune to the needs of every individual. It’s this combination of technology and rigorous science which has enabled John to achieve the premier position in the weight loss market on the Internet today.

As you can see from the testimonials that are available on websites around the Internet, there’s no question that sticking to a goal or objective and using a steady and reliable program of exercise and weight loss can make a huge difference to everyone’s outcome and achievement — the difference being, that in this case the objectives are actually achieved!

Video – The Key To Dieting Success

Now, I don’t wish to be cynical about other people’s diet programs, and I think perhaps it’s best to limit observations to the success rate of people on these diet, because when all is said and done, that is the objective measurement of whether or not a diet and exercise program is going to lead you to you weight loss goals. [ Barban’s success rate = 70+ %. ]

One of the clients that I recommended these programs to suggested that the use of an individualized dieting weight loss programs to be something of a “con”, on the grounds that in fact all one is doing is feeding in height weight and some other measurements, and getting out a “personalized” exercise program.

This criticism misses the point: the program is personalized because different somatotypes fall into different classifications of height, weight, or waist size, chest size, and so on. We know that each of those somatotypes have distinctly different requirements of exercise and diet to maintain a healthy body.

John’s contention is that everybody basically has an ideal body under the fat, and that it simply disguised by the amount of fat each person carries: you’ll see that this observation means that regardless of your overall size, in terms of height at least, that you fundamentally have an ideal body shape which is waiting to be released from the fat which currently hides it. The Venus Factor and Adonis Golden ratio can do this for you. Read about the Adonis Golden Ratio here: www.bodybuildingweightprogram.com and www.workoutyourshape.com  – these are sites which will give you all the information you could possibly need on the best way to lose weight quickly for men.

Sexual Abuse And Relationship Success

I think we all know that sexual abuse is a serious problem, but am not sure that we’ve understood just how far its effects actually penetrate into every aspect of a person’s life.

I found an article on goodtherapy.org  which is quite profound in its description of the consequences of abuse during childhood.

So let’s start by defining exactly what we’re talking about — sexual assault, or sexual abuse, is any act of force, no matter how mild (and that would include intimidation or coercion, enticement or seduction), that makes one person who is not able or willing to consciously choose whether or not to engage in sexual activity, take part in a sexual act.

Because, make no mistake about it, sexual coercion of any kind is a violent act that disrupts not only the physical and emotional body, but the spiritual mindset and spiritual development of the individual was well.

ALAM-smallIn fact, the consequence of sexual abuse is almost unfathomable because it’s so profound and deep.

What makes this even worse is that people who have their view of the world distorted in this way cannot understand what it has done to their perception of normality – it becomes something quite different, distorted…..

The term “wounded attachment” has been used to describe the consequence of sexual abuse: it is the unconscious way in which a survivor of sexual abuse becomes attached or attracted to another person or situation.

The attachment actually serves to remind them of the original act of abuse or the trauma associated with it. So what this means in practice is that survivors of sexual abuse subconsciously — which is to say, unconsciously — will try to find relationships that somehow reinforce the wounded aspect of themselves.

This is all about a familiar pattern of finding situations which mirror anything that damage this in childhood: the object of the unconscious appears to be to achieve resolution — to complete the Gestalt, but in fact what tends to happen is that the process for this completion or healing is never completed, and as a consequence the emotional wound is reinforced.

ALAM-smallWe’ve all seen people who engage in a kind of romantic relationship that reinforces the wounded parts of themselves.

Now think of a child whose in this situation, but being coerced into a sexual relationship. Of being sexually assaulted. Of being violently assaulted. Of having his or her very boundaries disrupted by an act of aggression from a more powerful individual.

The problem here is that it’s entirely possible — depending on the age and developmental stage at which these events occurred — that the victim seeks to please the assaulter and gain affection, attention, nurturing, trust or even love.

So there is something happening here inside the victim’s mind: they come to believe that perhaps this is the right way to receive love and attention, that actually pleasing an assaulter is either natural, or will produce a reward (such as affection) for them.

The consequence in adults is devastating: they will seek out situations that belittle them or make them feel worthless, or where they feel they have no sense of self, or where they have to make everyone else happy, no matter what the expense to them.

cute-love-smallAll of these things will reinforce an individual’s wounded sense of self.

Fortunately, of course, intervention in therapy or counseling can bring enlightenment about the behaviour pattern that is at play here, and after doing this, there can be a discussion and resolution of the process towards healing.

A very good definition of sexual abuse has been provided by Malz: he says that sexual abuse occurs when “any sexual act, whether overt or covert, between a child and an adult, or an older child, takes place.” He goes on to add that irrespective of how it is defined, it generally has very significant negative, and quite pervasive psychological impact on its victims.

But we don’t need a definition – we all know what it is, really.

It is true, of course, that the nature and severity of the sexual act may have a greater or lesser impact on the victim, but there’s no easy way of predicting the consequence of sexual abuse.

In the face of this experience, it’s vital to know how to establish good relationships in adulthood. If counselling and therapy isn’t an option for this, then self-education and information from the Internet might be helpful or informative.

In particular, where relationships are difficult to sustain, and an individual needs assistance in learning the art of communication and emotional interaction that can be effective in keeping relationship together there are certain programs that can be of great assistance,

One of them is called Text Your Ex Back; although, as the name implies,  this is about re-establishing a relationship where there has been a breakup, it certainly possible for texting to be useful for people who want to learn the art of good communication in relationships everyday life.

I’m not suggesting that all communication between people in a relationship should take place by text message — such a suggestion is absurd! But what text messaging can do is to enable people to communicate without emotional overlays and overtones that might get in the way of communicating their feelings.

In other words, it can help you to avoid blame, self-justification, defence, criticism and so on. To this degree, if you’re interested in trying to establish better communication with your partner, then you might want to have an look at the system and see if it may be of help to you.

The Issues Behind Dieting

Over the years that I have been engaged in therapeutic work, many things have become clear to me about human nature.

One of the most interesting ones is the fact that we are so governed by genetic impulses which we don’t even begin to suspect are playing the way we interact with each other in everyday life.

For example, women are obsessed — or at least, men would sometimes say they are! — with their appearance. Yet, biologically, there’s a very good reason for this: from nature’s point of view, reproduction of the species is the only imperative for all life on Earth.

Let's face it, there is no Venus Factor contest, is there?
Which do you find more appealing? Honestly?

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And, because we happen to be blessed with a brain that may have evolved beyond other creatures’, for humans, female attractiveness is a key factor in nature’s plan to allow us to populate the planet.

Now, even though a lot of women would like to rationalise dieting and losing weight on the basis of good health, healing fit, and living longer life, and these are certainly benefits of losing weight, the real fundamental aspect that governs all of a woman’s desire to look good is simple: that fundamentally, attractiveness is a female imperative for reproduction, just as responding to it is a male imperative for reproduction.

Do you doubt this? Well please don’t, because there is plenty of evidence to suggest that the basis of all initial sexual attraction is physical appearance, and strangely enough although we can think of men is the more visual creatures, that is probably also true for women as well.

Of course there are many other factors which play into couples commitment to each other, and certainly with the sophisticated brain that we have at our disposal, there are many factors that a woman will assess before she decides whether or not to have a child with a particular man.

Why and How Women Choose A Man

But fundamentally, looking good is about attracting men. I’ve heard it said by women, that looking good is probably also about competing with other women — when you think about it this is actually the same thing in the end. It’s my belief, rightly or wrongly, that men are a lot less likely to steal a male friend’s woman than a woman Is to steal a female friend’s man.

However, I’ve certainly got off the subject of attractiveness, in offering that somewhat controversial interpretation of why women want to look attractive. So regardless of the motivation behind losing weight and dieting, the fact of the matter is that it’s a perennial occupation for a great number of women.

There’s huge irony in this of course, because women only overweight — just as men are — because they eat too much. And why do we too much? I think fundamentally this is because we are actually unhappy as a species. Perhaps dieting and weight loss is a way of assuaging our guilt about overeating in the first place! ( I mean, as well as a way of looking attractive!)

So, in view of the fact that women’s desire to lose weight is never going to go away, that it’s a perennial occupation, as testified to by the huge number of diets and weight loss fads that appeared on the market in recent years, I offer my own recommendation for women who want to lose weight, which is the Venus Factor by John Barban.

What makes this so special, in my opinion, is the fact that the attention to detail goes far beyond anything you could reasonably expect to find in almost any other diet program on the market.

It’s not just that John Barban is a highly qualified and very experienced weight trainer, exercise physiologist, and sports scientist — although that’s true.

It’s also that he’s put together a program which accommodates almost every possible motivation for losing weight, and is tailored to almost every individual physique, motivation, and objective that you can imagine.

In other words, you’re not left with a basic diet plan, to try and work out how you as an individual can fit it to your own requirements.

Instead, you get personalized program which is both personalized for nutrition and personalized for exercise. By feeding in basic data about your weight, your appearance,  and your objectives, you can get out of program which shows you exactly what to eat at every meal for the entire 12 weeks of the program, as well as an exercise program that shows you exactly which exercised you should be doing every day of the into 12 weeks of the program.

This is actually unique to the Venus Factor; as far as I know there’s no other diet program on the market which offers anything similar to this. In the post below, we will Go into more detail about the structure and form of the Venus Factor.

However, what I can say at this point is that I unreservedly recommend it, and I think  because of the way that the Venus Factor is planned to fit into your everyday life, that you stand a much higher chance of weight loss success with this diet program than you do with any other.

Not only does it offer a personalized program in the way that I have described, but it also offers you access to John Barban himself, access to a whole team of highly trained advisers and mentors, and access to the Venus Factor community.

How to maintain motivation when dieting

What this means in practice is that you have access to hundreds if not thousands of women like yourself who are all engaged in a process of losing weight, looking at their motivation, and supporting each other in a wholesome and delightful way: there’s no competitiveness, there’s no  backbiting, and there’s no criticism.

This means that you have completely supportive environment in which you can actually ask questions, no matter how basic or simple they may be, with the assurance that you will get complete support and reassurance from those people who mental others who are just starting out on the program.

Again, that may be a totally unique feature of John Barban’s Venus Factor,  whether it is or it isn’t, what I do know is that it’s certainly one of the most highly supportive and motivating features available in any online diet plan anywhere.

Dieting, Weight Loss, Relationships, Sexual Success, And Good Health Is Within Your Grasp!