Make no mistake about it men, the importance of satisfying a woman in bed is immeasurable – statistics show that only 10% of women can reach orgasm during intercourse from penetration.
This must mean there are an awful lot of unsatisfied and unhappy women, who need to find a way of establishing sexual pleasure and satisfaction from lovemaking.
Unfortunately many men don’t realize that women require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. It has been demonstrated time and time again that the majority of women will not reach orgasm through vaginal penetration and thrusting alone during intercourse.
What this means in practice is that despite your best objectives in making love to your partner, and despite your best aspirations to be a good lover by improving the length of time for which you can make love, no matter how long your endurance or staying power may be, you are not likely to be able to bring your woman to orgasm during intercourse alone.
Of course there is one exception to this – that is to say, when you use additional clitoral stimulation during lovemaking, then you may find that your woman can reach orgasm whilst you are making love to her.
In other words – she comes when you are inside her, thrusting. And there is no doubt that this is hugely satisfying for both man and woman, and can add a level of excitement and pleasure to lovemaking which would otherwise be missing.
But the truth of the matter is that if you want to know how to pleasure a woman fully, then you are going to have to develop a methodology of bringing her to orgasm during intercourse, without clitoral stimulation.
This means making her come with vaginal thrusting alone, through penile stimulation of her G spot. Although this may sound esoteric, it is quite easy to achieve.
The first requirement is that you are able to thrust for long enough to bring her to orgasm – and what this turns out to mean in practical terms is that you need to last without ejaculating for between 10 and 15 minutes of intercourse. This is the length of intercourse which women describe as “ideal”.
In reality however, a woman will only reach orgasm in this timespan if she has been sufficiently aroused in a sensitive and caring way during foreplay.
The regrettable thing is that many men find foreplay boring and tedious.
Yet for a woman, foreplay is a way of establishing connection with a man, a way of establishing connection with her body, and a way of gradually moving into a space in which she is able to reach orgasm.
This certainly contrasts with many men’s experience of lovemaking, in which going from “no arousal” to “highly aroused” takes a matter of moments, or at the most minutes!
And the desire which follows hard on the heels of this high level of arousal is one which impels a man to penetrate, make love immediately, reach orgasm, ejaculate, and probably then forget all about intimate connection and lovemaking!
Although I say that in a jocular fashion, the truth is that this is no joke.
Indeed, in this different dynamic between men and women lies much dissatisfaction for both sexes – women complaining that men don’t understand their needs, and men complaining that women are demanding in their sexual requirements and expectations.
There’s no easy way to get round this except tolerance and understanding.
What this must mean in practical terms for you as a man is that you’re going to do your best to find a way to satisfy your woman, so she reaches the level of fulfilment and happiness in bed which you aspire to give her.
That’s another aspect of the paradox – that men really want to pleasure a woman in bed, they want to give her the greatest possible sexual pleasure.
But men are severely limited in their ability to do this by their lack of understanding of female sexuality and female expectations around sexual pleasuring.
Most women would say that the thing they want most in bed is intimacy and connection with their man, rather than outright sexual raunchiness or the constant use of, say, new sexual positions and techniques.
But for most couples, while the woman may dictate how often sex happens, it’s the man who dictates the form of sex, because his demands usually take precedence, and he usually ends sex when he has reached orgasm & ejaculated.
Men need to reframe their thinking from an orientation of sex being about their satisfaction to a genuine orientation of sex being about the woman satisfaction pleasure.
The reason for this is that when women are fully satisfied and pleasured during sex, they are highly aroused, and their orgasm induces endorphins which induce a feeling of relaxation and pleasure. And then, the benefits spill over to the relationship well beyond the bedroom.
Yet it shows, I think, how shortsighted many of us are that we don’t take account of the possibility of gaining sexual pleasure in this way.
The old paradigms of male pleasure being satisfied by a quick bout of intercourse and minimal foreplay has to give way to a new paradigm where the woman’s pleasure dictates the course of sex for the couple, and they work together cooperatively to ensure that orgasm is pleasurable, occurs during intercourse, and satisfies both the man and the woman.
After all, without this where is sex to go?
It’s no use proposing the idea that sex can continue to be something that is merely about penetration and ejaculation for the man – this is the age of female empowerment, gender equality, and hopefully mutual respect of a couple within a relationship.
To this end, therefore, it’s worthwhile having a look at the websites linked to above so you can see how sexual satisfaction pleasure may genuinely be obtained by both members of the couple.
As a final conclusion for this, it’s important to add that you shouldn’t forget about the opportunity to offer different sexual practices for pleasuring – including cunnilingus, mutual masturbation, and the simple act of sensual cuddling and pleasurable massage.
There are many routes to sexual pleasure and they definitely do not all have to involve penetration and thrusting!
It’s worth remembering this the next time you feel a surge of passion or arousal overcoming you: you can divert that energy into something around intimacy and connection, rather than physical orgasm.
After all, the pleasure of intimacy and mutual connection can feel just as satisfying as physical sexual pleasure, if not more so!