A sexual dysfunction that can affect men called delayed ejaculation is a condition where a man cannot ejaculate during sexual intercourse, no matter how long it lasts.
Although some men with premature ejaculation might think this highly desirable, it is in fact a very distressing condition for both the man and his partner.
Are You Experiencing Difficulty Reaching Orgasm?
If you’ve been searching for a way to overcome delayed ejaculation (also known as DE), the fact that there is a solution may surprise you.
After all, DE isn’t really talked about very much. I think that’s because it seems like such an embarrassing problem.
You see, even though premature ejaculation is a bit of a cultural joke, you’re quite likely to get the sympathy of other men: it’s something every man understands.
But start trying to discuss men who can’t ejaculate or who have great difficulty doing so, and it’s a completely different matter. Some men won’t know what the heck you’re talking about. Others will make some joke about how fantastic it sounds be able to thrust for – well, how long? – without coming.
And in reality, those of us who have DE know the truth is very different. Not being able to reach orgasm during sex is a real problem.
What Is Delayed Ejaculation?
Most of us think a man should be able to ejaculate easily during lovemaking.
So what’s going on when he simply cannot do this? Or when he has trouble ejaculating with is wife, partner or girlfriend?
To answer this, I’d like to take you on a journey of discovery, starting with a definition.
Definition Of Delayed Ejaculation
Repeated delay in achieving, or the complete failure to achieve, ejaculation, despite receiving the level of sexual stimulation which would normally trigger it, and where the man has no control over the timing of his ejaculation.
In other words, the problem is involuntary.
Delayed ejaculation can be lifelong or acquired.
You might have had it for as long as you can remember. That’s lifelong. Or it might have started later in life, because for some mysterious and as yet unexplained reason, you acquired it. I guess these terms are self-explanatory.
But an odd thing about DE is that it doesn’t always happen every time a man has sex.
In this case, when it shows itself with one particular partner or in one particular situation, it’s called situational DE. But if it happens all the time, every time, it’s called “generalized” DE.
Other terms used to classify DE are “primary” and “secondary”.
Here’s what these terms mean. Primary is when a man can’t ejaculate during intercourse with a sexual partner, and has “never” been able to.
Secondary is when he’s somehow lost his ability to ejaculate during sex, or is only able to do so from time to time.
At this point, you can read more on this page, if you want, but you probably don’t need to if you’re just interested in a cure.
How Many Men Are Unable To Ejaculate?
Well, we don’t have a lot of data, but it looks like around 10% of men have some challenge reaching the point of ejaculation.
The definition of delayed ejaculation in DSM-IV is “a persistent or recurrent delay in orgasm or even a complete absence of orgasm after normal sexual stimulation that should have raised a person’s sexual arousal to a level adequate in focus, intensity, and duration.”
There are judgments here: “normal” and “adequate in focus, intensity and duration” are not objectively defined. And what is normal anyway?
So it’s better to define delayed, slow or non-existent ejaculation as a condition where a man cannot ejaculate easily, or indeed at all, even when he has plenty of sexual stimulation, has an erection and wishes to achieve orgasm.
If a man has difficulty in all situations, regardless of what sexual activity he is enjoying, and with all his sexual partners, his DE is said to be “generalized“.
If he has this issue in only certain situations or specific sexual partners, his DE is defined as “situational”.
For example, he may be unable to ejaculate within the vagina of his partner but can do so by masturbation. Or he may be able to ejaculate during sex with a man but not with a female partner, and so on. And he may have difficulty ejaculating with a particular partner at some times and not others. Obviously this may be highly subjective – and often the symptoms are caused by deep seated emotional issues. These are the result of emotional wounds during childhood, sometimes the result of wounds held in the shadow unconscious.
More On The Definition
The simplest definition is the one set out by Marcel Waldinger (in Handbook of Clinical Sexuality For Mental Health Professionals, second edition, edited by Stephen B Levine).
In this he says delayed ejaculation means a man finds it difficult or impossible to reach orgasm and ejaculate despite receiving adequate sexual stimulation, having a hard erection, and experiencing the desire to achieve orgasm.
But is it this simple?
Some men will struggle to ejaculate during intercourse.
Some will have trouble coming during masturbation, either by their own hand or by a partner’s hand.
And some men will find it difficult to reach orgasm during oral pleasure. Others cannot climax during sexual intercourse.
In other words, DE may occur in all situations… or in certain specific ones.
Marcel Waldinger also makes the point that ejaculation may be delayed with all partners, in all sexual situations, and at all times – in which case the definition is of generalized DE.
And sometimes, a man may have difficulty ejaculating only with a particular partner in a particular situation, in which case the condition is defined as situational DE.
So, for example, a man may be unable to orgasm and ejaculate inside his partner’s vagina, but he may be perfectly able to do so during self-pleasuring.
Or he may be able to ejaculate during sex with one partner but not another. Or even during sex with a man but not with a woman.
And then there’s perhaps the most obvious example of this, that a man may be able to ejaculate with one particular female partner but not with any others.
It is also possible for situational problems to occur from time to time, but not all the time, so a man finds himself able to ejaculate with one woman on certain occasions but not on others.
Another intriguing aspect of this problem is the fact that sometimes a man may be able to reach orgasm and ejaculate when he has a particular sexual stimulus – a fetish object, or a specific sexual fantasy, perhaps.
(This is probably about being more turned on in the presence of specific stimuli, and may even be a good way for a man with delayed climax to help himself reach orgasm – i.e. to find out what turns him on and then to incorporate this into sex play with his partner.)
It’s important to remember that DE is actually an involuntary condition. In other words, a man appears to have no choice about it – his body does something involuntarily. He cannot avoid the problem.
As such, it may be seen as similar to female orgasmic dysfunction, although it’s also been described as a process that disconnects the two phases of normal male ejaculation – emission and ejaculation.
As observed above, DE can be lifelong or it can be an acquired condition that develops later in life, and it can also occur in every sexual encounter that a man engages in, or it may just occur in certain situations.
Given this variability, it’s hardly surprising that there has been a lot of debate and even argument about how to define it.
However, what we do know is that the most common form of this problem is coital anorgasmia. in other words, trouble ejaculating during sexual intercourse. And this is, in the opinion of some authors, the only form of difficulty with ejaculation which should be defined as “delayed ejaculation”.
Even something as simple as a latex fetish or wearing a condom may help a man come – it all depends what turns him on. Anal stimulation and nipple play can be helpful here.
Coital anorgasmia means anorgasmia during sexual intercourse (which could serve as a complete definition in its own right).
In general a man can enjoy normal orgasm through masturbation, but not during sexual intercourse.
Although there are variations on this pattern, it’s fair to say this is reasonably common.
Another interesting observation is that a man’s erectile function is generally not affected, at least initially, although prolonged experience of anorgasmia may eventually produce erectile dysfunction.
As you might guess, there are many theories regarding the origin of DE.
Some of these are based on theories and observation, and aren’t backed up by good evidence or any reliable kind of empirical data.
This is a common problem with sexual dysfunction in general, and this problem in particular. The outcome of this lack of hard facts is that there is no agreement on a generally accepted treatment protocol for delayed ejaculation.